Signs you might suffer fear of intimacy
When I was in my twenties, my relationships were “complicated”.
I was reminded of that a few weeks ago when my sisters sent me some old pictures… and suddenly I saw “this old version of me”.
I remember that I was constantly doubting myself and my ability to love and be loved.
And of course it showed in my relationships.
I was attracting men who were unavailable – some were already in a relationship, some were not ready to commit.
So I was going from one relationship to another… trying to “fix myself” at the same time.
I felt there was something wrong with me… and I thought that if men really knew all about me, they would run away. So… having short relationships prevented me from letting people see who I really was.
If this resonates with you, you might suffer fear of intimacy too.
Behind a fear of intimacy is a fear of facing up to yourself and what you perceive (erroneously) as your weaknesses or vulnerabilities. You avoid being close to others because they would then see these apparent flaws, which can be feelings of anger, shame, sadness or grief.
Here are some signs that it might be the case:
1-You constantly attract unavailable men (already taken, not looking for love, still hung up on someone else).
2-You never sit still
You are always busy… and when you have some down time, you immediately think of what you can do to fill it… or you end-up watching Netflix.
Being completely busy all the time is the perfect excuse to avoid anyone wanting to get to close!
3-You always try to show a positive attitude
Don’t get me wrong. Living your life with a positive attitude is great.
But if you come across as someone who never gets upset, is always strong and in a good state of mind, it might be a sign that you hide behind a “positive attitude”.
4-You always appear perfectly put together
The more perfect you appear externally, the less others can see that you are human and weak just like they are and the less they will dare get close.
5-You are sure you know exactly what you want in a partner, you just haven’t found him yet.
The “ideal mate list” is usually something that nobody can live up to and is a convenient way to brush off connecting with others by claiming “I am sure of what I want and you just aren’t it.”
And even if you did stumble across your ideal partner, you wouldn’t open your heart because people who fear intimacy are after one thing – and that is avoid being hurt.
If this sounds like you and you would like to heal this wound, the first step is to get out of denial about your fear of intimacy and admit that there is an issue.
And look for some help. Because fear of intimacy usually runs deep, right back to traumatic or difficult childhood experiences. So we often need help to overcome it.
I have been there. I know how it feels.
I would love to guide you.
There is no better time than now to start this work.
I will be very happy to talk to you.
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